Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

What are the extra benefits of a smart TV?

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Where did cosmic rays come from? Astrophysicists are closer to finding out - Phys.org

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for fakery

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Kristen Doute gives birth to rainbow baby with fiancé Luke Broderick - Page Six

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

How are you able to read words without vowels? - Live Science

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

'There's a huge amount that we don't understand': Why sperm is still so mysterious - BBC

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Why do so many 18 to 29-year-old men struggle in dating?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I see through liars

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Do empaths fall easier for abusive people?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

What to know about the 2025 U.S. Open, from tee times to TV schedule - The Washington Post

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

NY retail worker safety law takes effect this week. Here’s what it does. - Gothamist

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I can read

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Scientists find 34-million-year-old snake that changes our understanding of evolution - Earth.com

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Where Seattle Mariners stand in All-Star voting - Seattle Sports

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

What was the worst spanking you got growing up?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I can count

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t buy bullshit

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability